I'm writing this journal to let you all know whats going on and why I made this account. I was inspired by the love of my life Alek. I love you, and I hope you understand I do really mean that. I have to tell you all that It is hard for me to love anyone, which is why I have so few close friends, and why it was so hard for me to finally say it outloud that I love Alek. I have alot of friends, people who I don't mind being around and enjoy spending time with, but I only have a few close friends: Draco-Sama, Frut-Frut, Katiii, LordofFlowers, DarkMagician, LoyalBrownCoat, vexanofice,and of course Alek. Don't be offended if your name or screen name or nick name isn't on this list. Its because I can't trust you yet. I haven't let my guard down around you yet. Now you may call me a bitch because of it, because you've been my friend since the end of time, but I just don't trust you yet. I am a very guarded person, but that's not why I made this account, to tear people or myself down, because I'm crying while I"m writing this. I made this journal entry to say why I made this account. Its because I want to be the real me. I'm always hiding behind something that keeps me constricted. InuYashaDiva15 was an awesome account. But I was stuck behind my love of InuYasha, my mom's nick name for me, Diva, and that horrible age of 15. Now with CharacterDragon2013, I am free to love writing and making characters, free to love the shit out of dragons and free to graduate and continue my life through the year 2013 since most of the world thinks its gonna be over in 2012. If the world is going to end then I want to enjoy it all the way up until then and I can't do that stuck behind those three things listed before. I'm not saying I'm dropping everything about me before. I'm just saying I'm going to stop trying to please other people and make myself happy. I'm done crying over stupid shit. I'm sick of being scared. I want to be happy. Because of my life so far I gained alot of weight. Well I'm not telling you how much it is...but I'm ready to loose it all. To shed the fear, doubt, hatred of myself from all of those years before. I want it to be a new day. I want to start a new day and be free and the best way to do that is by being honest. so here goes.

I have tried to commit suicide a couple of times
I failed each time because I was a coward
I realized I was being a coward for wanting to kill myself
I still have self hatred issues
I'm working on them
I can't be in the same room with my own race
I'm a self hating african american
I'm getting better at it
I'm happy to be alive
I can't believe I tried to kill myself
I love R&B and Rock&Roll
I love my family and the wonderful black people they are
I'm going to counseling
I'm going to loose weight
I went to the hospital a few days ago
I thought I had a heart attack
It turns out I'm just fat.
I realized that I don't trust people easily
I don't want to be in my dorm at wooster, wagner
I wish I was in born heautter
Still can't pronounce half the names at Wooster
I still say WOOOOOOSTER
I swear like a retarded monkey
I finally trust someone enough to let them all the way inside
NOT SEXUALLY
I fear sex
I finally trust myself enough to allow this person and all of my friends behind the wall that has kept me bound and crazy for all of these years.
This is the first time I've cried over myself in 15 years
I feel like a cry baby

Okay this journal is pretty fucked up but I had to say it.
If you don't have anything nice to say I swear to god you better not comment or I will fucking kill you. Don't test me.

If you wanna know the state of mind I was in while I writing this look up the song "Giving Myself" by Jennifer Hudson

This journal is over and a New Day Has begun